Profound themes worked in different materials
The themes following below represent the fundamental principles, on which many of my paintings are build upon.
Don't be chocked over the weight and the depth in these themes. It's just the dark soil in which my roots stand. If you look at my new paintings, you'll see that I work more openminded today, seeking the more bright side of myself :)
SPIRITUAL HYMN - To have an internal dialogue.
My absolute nuclear artwork
An internal dialogue might be dificult to explain in a relieable way, but never the less do I have such one. There has always been something speaking to me, that's where I become religious and spirituel. It means everything to me, and helps me survive even the most dificult situations. I'm convinced about, that everything has it's reason.
The poem, "Spiritual hymn" tells about creating in a process like a double edged sword cutting a part of myself and a part of the wold, that made me. This sentence has been my fundamental ideology ever since, and makes it reasonable to considder "Spiritual hymn" as my absolute nuclear artwork. Not necessarely the best, but the most significant for myself.
One day I find myself wearing brown monk's robe.
Seated squatting in a subtile turbulently landscape.
Bald and with a naked branch laid in my hands,
I sing stanzas, which not even I myself have known before.
Stanzas that seem to multiply and form themselves
Just right next to my own physical presence.
An independent world of stanzas growing and piling up,
excites me to the absolute breaking point,
and triggers in the creation of a grotesque performance.
A performance that in a glance of recognition
lets itself be revealed as a double-edged sword,
which in fine but painfully cut cuts a piece of myself,
and a piece of this world, that I am made of.
ANXIETY - A fundamental condition in life.
Anxiety is a theme, that most people know more or lessl, and the energy coming from there has a big impact on our lifes and thus in my art, which often ends up with a rather panical expression like balancing on a line afraid of falling down. The only place I really feel peace is while creating my art. Reflectively I must recognize anxiety as a huge energy-source in my art, and thus not necessarely a negative phenomene. It's just a question of being confident with this weird phenomene and accept it as something fundamental in one. At least for me it's an inavoidable theme in my art.
Sketches made in 1991. At that time I was really inspired by Pink Floyd's "The wall", where the movie showed scenes about anxiety, which had affected me a lot ever since my Highscool years 1985 - 86. It was here I really begann feeling this weird restless energy-source of wanting to express myself visually all the time. I found something satisfying by sitting for myself and just drawing, writing and listening to music.
I think it's a way of fighting the basic anxiety of the coming adult world.
Captured the final composition
Drawing with pencil and technical pen. A4. 1992 Stairs for the escalating anxiety and diagonally composition fro the dramatical in the situation.
A sucking force,
an inner pulling through me
a warm wind through my freezing body,
distant voices infinitely far from here,
escalating sounds of unbearable echoes in my head,
the space around me expands uncontrollably
In fetal position I'm trying to protect myself,
now only deep breaths.
The final painting: Anxiety 25 x 34 cm.
About that time I was learning the transparent techniques by the Swedish artist Håkan Nyström, and it shows in the very accurate way of painting here. It became like drawings with paint, but at least I learned to control the process.
MELANCHOLY - Headstone to my art's mol tone
I've always enjoyed my lonely hours, but never felt boring therein. I have a rare passion for the souls depth, which aotomatically brings one in a state of the dialectically phenomene: "Happy sadness. This layed together with some extremely tough years hit by a violent course with life-threatend diseases, accidents and dramatic upheavals.
But somehow I'm happy with it. My lifes story has really given me the greatest and most interesting tour through life. I should feel sad about all the wounds and pain it has cost me so far, but weird enough, I'm happy with the big amount of bad experiences. I 've survived them, and feel so much more experienced in life. With it I'm capeable of taking advantage of the melancholy of my life and express something profound about life.
After years of protracted, confusing and exhausting walks,
non answered reverent prayers, unfulfilled hopes and eternal longings.
After many long attempts against a non breakrable wall
and after time after time to have appeared in new disguises,
I walk now only with eyes focused on the red ground under my feet.
With a flabby purple cloak put on my naked overdue body,
I move to the sound of deep throat-humming sounds tones rhythmically forward,
dragging the family's heavy burdensome handcart after me -
an involuntary heritage as life's heavy load and absolute judgment.
Bended frontover and with an unprecedented happy feeling of indifference ,
leave I with all caution my measured steps in the dust,
a volatile trail through this maze of winding alleyways,
whose nearest exit on both attractive and repulsive way,
looks like being an final parting.
Passionate suffering and the rose's symbolism
Passionate suffering was an explanation or expression for the recognition of the right of suffering. It goes along with the martyrium - This here about sacrificating onesself to reach the ultimate beauty, or the ultimate delighted feeling after all. More pain gives major satisfaction. It's a weird phenomene, that most people deny, but for those, who have a fighter instinct it makes sence. There are not such thing as just passion and beauty nor just pain and suffer. The world is made of a dialectically combination between the two components, just like: The must be darkness to show the light.
Obviously this goes very well along with the red rose's symbolism: It is as beautiful as it can be and may even lead your thought on a woman's genitals, which already therein a temptational flower, but it has thorns, which may hurt you, if you ain't careful. Careless treatment of the immediate given rose may fast turn into a blod red experience instead of a emotional red love experience. Taking off the flower will leave you back with the thorns, and there we are not far from the thorn crone known from the passion and suffer of Christ.
There is so much more about to tell about the rose, but I think, I've got the essential parts of it here. It's written here to give a hint about, why I paint the rose in several of my paintings. The rose is simply is a symbol of my fundamental theme:
Cover to CD catalogoue from my thematical exhibition at the Museum: Centro Cultural De La Accademia D Bellas Artes, Lima in Peru, where I had 59 artworks transported and exhibited in Peru in 2003 - Obviously I called my exhibition: SUFRIMIENTOS PASIONALES or en English: PASSIONATE SUFFERING.
In this painting "THE OTHERS" are sacrificating nothing, which doesn't make sence. Those who stick to nothing are no more than nothing in my point of view - Like roses without thorns or passion without suffering.
The gift - Here I use the two roses in a way, symbolising two independent lifes, who seem almost aggressive like snakes ready to attack eachother. But at the same time the man in the picture has got a gift packed in pink giftpaper. This looks to be something nice. So what is going on? There is a door to another room and a closet in the corner - everything very mystical. What is the content of the gift?
Thats my own personal dialogue with this painting: What am I receiving in my life after having painted that?
So far a lot, but most remarkable is, that this painting won the Goldmedal in the Medusa Aurea contest at AIAM in Rome, so I received the international prize as Best painter of the year 2018 - 2019 - That's a fine gift so far.
My room - Isn't just a room, it's my world
In order to set myself free to be myself i isolated myself volontarily in my room for 2 years with drawings, paintings, books with philosophy, psychology, history, classic litterature and music, learning to become just myself in that freedom it requests to create exactly that profound art, I from the very beginning was longing. That's why I painted a cross blocking the door from the inside in the painting below. I didn't wish to be disturbed.
I often use these self created rooms as scenario for some act in my painting, or sometime just the empty room, but it's always to understand as a mental room, which I use to tell a pictorial story.
I met Liliana and my room's walls broke down
Finishing the painting below Liliana got pregnant
Plan-drawing for my painting: "Opus 1" 60 x 60 cm.1993 This was, what I learned by my father, who was an independent architect with his own Architect office, where I worked a lot of my time as a teenager making copies of the architect's drawings and playing around with my own drawings.
Hovering in uplifting warm aircurrents,
I fly expectantly and freely through the time,
freedom, oh wonderful freedom!
Only a winner wins freedom,
and the prize of the freedom is to be a winner.
Who Nothing ventured is no winner,
nothing is namely nothing compared with freedom,
the free has ventured everything to avoid the nothing.
Overcome ones own fears lifts up the spirit to be light,
to stare the predator in the eyes gives a predator force,
Then let all humility be the a feather in fierce winds,
and let it drown in powerful rain showers,
knocked to the ground by hail and icy cold.
Oh freedom! Ain't compareable with nothing,
only everything is suficient to measure by,
and to fight the principles of mediocrity gives wings.
You'll get spirit united with body in new light altitudes,
nothing disappears and everything is a new creation,
Liliana - Love of my life